Robot Hedgehog
by SA2
Summary: It follows the same basics as Robot Chicken obviously , which consists of nothing but parodies of the thousands of things out there, except with Sonic characters. That’s basically what it is.
1. Chapter 1

It follows the same basics as Robot Chicken (obviously), which consists of nothing but parodies of the thousands of things out there, except with Sonic characters. That's basically what it is.

Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters, places, and items are the intellectual property of Sonic Team. All trademarks and copyrights contained in this document are owned by their respective trademark and copyright holders.

* * *

Robot Hedgehog: Chapter 1

A bunch of business men sat around a long rectangular table and were having an important meeting. The boss looked around the table before saying, "Alright gentlemen, we've decided to go with the design of an anthropomorphic hedgehog."

"Can we call him Mr. Needlemouse?" One employee asked.

"Not in public."

---

On a bright summer's day, Tails travelled down a clear road with trees on both sides and passed a Daytona USA sign in his Tornado which had transformed into go-kart mode. Sonic sat on the wing of the Tornado, holding some small drums. Tails suddenly then started singing. "Do da do da do do do do do dooooo!" Sonic and Tails then yelled, "DAYTONAAAAAAAAAA!" at the top of their lungs as Tails turned a sharp corner.

They sang again before Tails turned to Sonic and said, "Let's go away!" He nodded back with a reply of, "Let's go away." Before they sang "DAYTONAAAAAAAAAA!" in unison once again. They arrived in the city streets and swerved around the oncoming traffic.

As Tails spotted a few police cars chasing him, he said, "Let's go away!" Sonic nodded back and pointed ahead, "Let's go away!" They began to speed off as they yelled, "DAYTONAAAAAAAAAA!" once again. They travelled down an alley and soon down a path in a forest as they leapt off a cliff and drove down the rocky path before reaching the ground below and coming to a stop near the sea where they looked up at the shining sun.

---

In the vast wide open midst of the jungle, Tails and Eggman were racing each other in go karts along a muddy race track. They were approaching the finish line, far up ahead and were both neck and neck, with them both occasionally hitting the other. As they approached the finish line, Tails' go kart suddenly spontaneously combusted and broke down a few moments before the finish line while Eggman crossed the line and Omochao waved the white flag.

"Better luck next time, Foxboy!" Eggman said as he drove off.

Charmy suddenly appeared and placed some drums several feet away from Tails' kart. He then played said drums before yelling, "Game over yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" then tapped the last cymbal.

Tails scratched the back of his forehead. "I'm not sure weather I should be happy or confused…"

---

Shadow the Hedgehog awoke in a status chamber on the Space Colony ARK as an alarm was blazing loudly in the background. A voice then greeted Shadow. "Ahh, Shadow, you're awake, we got big trouble, man."

"What's happened?"

"There's some like, chaos monsters aboard the ARK, and they're attacking pretty much anything. There's a machine gun right outside, feel free to pick up any weapons you find and blow them all to hell. Basically, if it moves, kill it, in an over the top and gory fashion."

"Thanks for the advice." Shadow left the room and picked up the machine gun before walking down a corridor containing three zombie Chaos figures which he fired at. He travelled up a slope and through a metal door before picking up a laser cannon. As he entered the next room, be began firing at zombies climbing down a wall, killing all of them except one which wouldn't die regardless of how much it was shot.

Shadow noticed a grenade further back behind him and blow him to bits before moving on. After several more minutes of blowing stuff up, Shadow entered one more room carrying a minigun, two sawn-off shotguns, a rocket launcher, a Uzi, six grenades, a laser cannon, and a rubber duck. One chaos creature spun round as he entered and threw his hands up. "No, wait, don't shoot!"

Shadow shot him shortly after and as the zombie fell to the ground, he asked, "Why?"

"Because you were Doomed from the start."

---

In Blaze's alternate dimension, Blaze arrived on Seagull Beach at Windmill Village and casually approached Marine who stood by the sea. "So Marine, what was it you wanted to see me about?"

"Crikey! You got 'ere pretty fast, Blaze." She replied.

"You said it was important."

"You bet! Check out my new boat!" she gestured towards a large white boat to her right. "Isn't it just ripper!"

Blaze inspected it for a few moments before saying, "Nice boat."

---

In the middle of a downtown area, an elite ninja wearing a typical black ninja outfit and sporting the Sonic Adventure 2 logo on his chest came driving down the street on a black motorbike and approached a hill. He swerved by a few cars, did a wheelie and hit the side of one car. He then spun 360 degrees before grinding down a conveniently paced rail, then he flipped off the bike, front flipped twice, back flipped three times, roundhouse kicked a flaming midget and landed in a red formula one car which drove by.

---

Knuckles sat in a locker room, wearing red boxing gloves when he received a letter which said, "King Boom Boo is waiting for your challenge!!" He sat up and left the room, soon arriving at the boxing arena where the audience were cheering. Knuckles entered the ring and up to his manager, Vector the Crocodile, who stood by his corner waiting for him.

"Hey Knuckles, you ready to go?" Vector asked.

"Yeah, I can take him. A little one, two, and an uppercut, and he'll be down for the count."

In the other corner, King Boom Boo was accompanied by another small ghost who then said, "Echidna stole my bike!"

Omochao, who was the announcer, stepped into the middle of the ring, joined by Knuckles and King Boom Boo. "Let's keep it clean, guys, now come out boxing! Fight!" He then flew off as Knuckles and King Boom Boo began. King Boom Boo continued to attack with upper right and left jabs which Knuckles dodged by ducking and moving in the opposite direction before punching him in the face right after dodging. Shortly after, Knuckles gave him an uppercut, causing King Boom Boo to stagger back and drop to the ground.

"Whoa! He just got Punched-Out!" One audience member said in shock.

Omochao flew over and quickly began counting, "Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten! Knuckles the Echidna is the world heavyweight champion once again!"

Knuckles raised his fists in the air as the audience cheered once more.

---

In the futuristic city of Metal City, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, Rouge and Cream were racing in futuristic go karts with the same design as extreme gear hover boards. With extreme turning, extreme boosting, extreme flying off of ramps, and extreme pit stops. The race itself was not so extreme as they rarely bashed into each other, but suddenly near the last turning as Cream was in the lead, Shadow sped past her, bashing her kart into the wall which then exploded due to sheer extremeness.

Omochao, who was the announcer at the time, then said, "Wow, it seems that she WipEd-out. Hehehe…and I've just been informed that if I say anymore stupid puns like that I'm going to get fired…"

---

In the middle of a city, a yellow go kart, and a red truck were driving along with the yellow kart singing. "Furformers, more than meets the eye! Anthrobots wedge their battles will destroy the evil forces of the Eggceptacons. Furformers!"

SA2, wearing a brown longcoat, stood next to another ninja and whispered, "Anthros in disguise." in his ear.

"Transformers!" The yellow kart and red truck drove off a ramp. "More than meets the eye!" they arrived in an empty parking lot moments later, where Sonic, who was a blue formula one car, and Amy, who was a pink buggy showed up before all four of them transformed into robotic versions of themselves.

"So what's the news, Knuckles?" Sonic asked while he glanced around the abandoned area.

"The Eggceptacons are back."

"Is that so?"

"It is so."

"Alright." Sonic said with a nod before pointing ahead. "Anthrobots, curl up, and dash out!" the four of them curled up into spin dash form and left the area.

---

Amy was strolling down a street in Station Square when she looked way up into the sky and saw an orange blimp which Big the Cat was riding, with the words, "Got Ring?" on it. She continued walking and approached Casinopolis, and as she looked up, she gasped as the only words she saw were, "Got Ring?" She quickly left the area, and ran into Cream by the station, who then waved. "Hi Amy, Got Ring?"

"I don't have any ring!" she yelled as she ran off with the speaker box yelling the words, "Got Ring?" She ran back outside and passed a shop with dozens of television screens by the window. Shadow was on the television. "I've Got Ring, have you?" he said before pointing at the screen.

She soon passed a little boy and his mother. The boy looked at the mother and asked, "Mommy, can I get Ring?"

"Of course you can get Ring, Tommy."

Amy continued running across the city, covering her ears and trying to escape the dreaded 'Ring' as she saw it everywhere she went. She eventually stopped by a tree in a forest, and looked far ahead to see Sonic speeding towards the area. Sonic stopped beside the tree and turned to Amy before saying, "Hey Amy, Got Ring?"

Amy's eyes became wide with fear. "W-what?"

"Got Ring?" He said once more.

Amy ran off screaming, leaving Sonic utterly confused moments before he shrugged. "Whatever, I guess I'll just play against Eggman online again."

It then cut to a scene of SA2 smoking a pipe with a book in his hand as he sat in a chair, by a fireplace which lit up the room. SA2 closed the book and removed the pipe from his mouth. "And so, Amy was eventually driven insane with all this talk about getting rings, when in reality it was just an awesome video game."

He cleared his throat before yelling, "**EEENNNDDD!**"


	2. Chapter 2

Robot Hedgehog: Chapter 2

In an international business, the boss watched the view from his balcony as he smoked a cigar. Suddenly an employee ran in. "Boss! We have an emergency! We've filled out 12 minutes of episode 42 but we have nothing of interest left for the episode!"

"Add some filler." He replied.

"But Boss-"

The boss slapped him. "I said add some filler, it brings in the money."

"Right." The employee quickly left.

---

Within the vast open rivers, across the seven seas, were two pirate boats engaged in a battle to the death as they fired cannons, threw swords, and mooned each other for no unexplained reason other than to bring in the money. Blaze stood on one ship wearing standard pirate gear and raised her sword in the direction of the other ship as she cried, "Arr!"

Rouge stood on the second ship and did the same as the battle continued until Sonic eventually ran out from the bottom of Rouge's ship and stood at the edge of it before turning back and saluting them. "Blaze, you'll always remember this as the day you almost caught, Captain Sonic the Hedg-" He was suddenly hit by an extending boxing glove and knocked unconsicious.

"We caught him!" One crew member exclaimed. The others rejoiced.

---

In the core of an Eggman factory, there were dozens of chao working on machinery in the midst of the hot rooms. A chaos chao entered the first room where there were several spiked platforms moving around and a chao polishing a wall. The chaos chao rolled underneath the spiked platforms which raised up and down, then leapt over a rotating gear and stood by the chao.

"Hello." The chaos chao greeted him as he waved.

"Hi." The chao replied, turning to him.

"Sup?"

"Not much."

"Follow me."

"Sure, why not."

The two left the room and entered another where they found themselves at the top of two other paths. The chaos chao turned to the other and said, "Wait here."

"'Kay."

The chaos chao climbed down and pulled a switch which raised a platform to fill the gap in the middle of the screen, and then he guided the pervious chao to the platform and lowered it to the bottom path before climbing down and activating a portal to his left using the dot on his head. As the chao flew through it, the chaos chao carried on to the next room.

The chaos chao approached two gaps with bombs planted within them, and he hopped across to the next room where a dark chao guarded the area with a laser gun where two chao were cleaning the floor. The chaos chao climbed to a path higher up as the dark chao ran over, and then yelled, "Wait!"

Another dark chao entered the screen and said, "Hey, Eggman wants to see you."

"What." He replied, swinging his arms back.

"He wants to see you."

"What what." He replied once again.

"Oh, screw you man." The second dark chao left.

Moments later, the chaos chao took control of the dark chao's body and shot himself in the head before transferring back. The chaos chao climbed down and waved at the two chao. "Hey."

"Yo." One replied.

"Hi." The second responded.

"How's your wife, Jim?"

"She's alright, can't complain." The first said.

"Cool, now follow me."

"Sure thing."

"I ain't got much else to do." The second said.

In the next room, they took a lift down and the chaos chao opened up a portal and then said, "So will I see you for dinner next Tuesday, Jim?"

"Sure thing, I'll bring my wife."

"Great."

The two chao then jumped through the portal and the chaos chao proceeded ahead through a door to the right.

---

In the middle of a park on a bright summer's day, a slight breeze filled the air and the grass and trees were a heavenly green as two chao wearing shades sat on a large block with a star symbol on it. Another chao came rushing towards them and ran past as he shouted, "Look out, the pink menace is coming!"

As the two chao looked back, over the horizon came a bigger pink chao with red shoes which sucked and devoured any food in its path. The two chao wearing shades frantically got up and ran as fast as they could after spotting the chao. One was immediately sucked into the pink chao's mouth while the other ran round in circles, turning to avoid the pink chao to no avail.

"He's gaining on you!" a third chao yelled from behind a box further ahead.

As the second chao looked back, he was then sucked into the pink chao's mouth, who then swallowed. The pink chao charged towards the last one moments later. "**GET IN MAH BELLY!**"

"I wonder if you'll spit or swallow." The last chao took out a bomb and threw it as he said, "Suck on this!"

The pink chao ate the bomb and digested it as he continued running, causing the last chao to turn round and flee as he exclaimed, "Holy crap, he sucked on it!"

A red power chao was watching this as he sat in an arm chair. He then picked up and phone, dialled a number and spoke into it. "I need a monstah to clobbah dat dere Kribo!"

---

In a random city, SA2 was driving a formula one car when he was suddenly pulled over by a police officer. The officer got off his bike and approached SA2 with a notebook in his hand. "I heard a report about you fly kicking a flaming midget, that's not cool, man."

"But the guy stole my wallet!"

"Either way, attacking flaming midgets is uncool. You'll be fined 30 bucks."

"Oh, fine then…"

---

In the heat of battle in the middle of some unimportant forest, Sonic and Shadow were engaged in extreme combat using ninja-like antics and reflexes. Sonic kicked Shadow in the face as he yelled, "Believe it!" before Shadow countered with a punch to the stomach as he yelled, "Stop saying that!"

Sonic quickly ran and hid in some bushes right after throwing down a smoke bomb.

"Come out, come out, Sonic!" Shadow shouted. "I know you're there! I can see you." Sonic chose to ignore Shadow seconds before he yelled again. "Come on already! I can clearly see you over there in those bushes." Sonic's face suddenly displayed a combination of shock and confusion before Shadow said, "For crying out loud, you're wearing a bright orange jumpsuit! Not much of a camouflage, you moron!"

"Aw crap…" Sonic said before getting a kunai to the forehead.

---

(Major spoilers here if you haven't played, watched, or even read about the basis of the plot in Portal, which you really should have by now. So if you haven't and don't wanna be spoiled, just stop reading here)

In an unknown highly technology research facility, an egg fighter robot awoke in a glass cell and picked up a status chart to the side moments before a voice spoke which sounded like a feminine Omochao. "Hi there, I am TOCaMP (Totally Original Character and Monitoring Program), and welcome to the uberpwnage science kickass centre. I would go over other things, but I've gotten bored of that by this point, so we'll begin the test in 10 seconds. Good luck."

As the door opened, the egg fighter ran out of the cell, round a right corner and into a large room with a grey box five feet away from a switch. TOCaMP then said, "Press the B button to pick up the box and place it on the switch." The egg fighter did so, making TOCaMP respond with, "Totally radical, please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test."

A long while later, as the egg fighter entered one of the test cambers, TOCaMP then said, "Just thought I'd let you know that after the test, we'll have a pie prepared for you. An apple pie in fact, because everyone likes pie. Yes, they do. Thanks for your help by helping us to help you by helping us…if that makes sense."

The egg fighter soon entered a secret boiler room where on the wall was written the words, "The pie is a lie, its pineapple favoured, seriously, what kind of pie is pineapple flavoured?" The robot moved on moments later and avoided any turret fire along the way.

As the egg fighter finished the current test, TOCaMP spoke again. "Great job, just so you know, robot hell exists as you can see, and traitors come here, because they'll get no sympathy from me!"

As he entered the next test area, TOCaMP then said, "So here's this cube with a heart on it which you'll need for the test." Moments before deploying the cube. "It'll be your BBF forever, now get going." After finishing the current test, TOCaMP then said, "Well, that hearted cube certainly helped, **but** you'll have to chuck it in that incinerator to the right because it's of no more use." After throwing it in the incinerator, TOCaMP then said, "You got rid of that cube faster than the other contestants. Awesome."

As the egg fighter entered the next test, TOCaMP spoke again. "Just thought I'd say you're near the end and will something something something pie."

After finishing the final test, the egg fighter jumped onto a moving platform which travelled along a straight path, while going left and right occasionally. At the end of the path was a picture of a pie, before it turned left, slowly travelling towards a fire as TOCaMP said, "Well your pie is just ahead, in that fire over there. Enjoy." Egg fighter managed to escape before being engulfed by the flames below, causing TOCaMP to respond with, "What are you doing? Don't you want your pie? The fire thing was a joke, now just stay there and wait for your pie to arrive. Whatever you do, don't take that path to your right."

Shortly after egg fighter escaped to a right path higher above, TOCaMP spoke again. "Hey, where are you now? I'll find you, you know." A minute later, TOCaMP's voice came on again. "You can't run, man, your ass is mine! You're doing it wrong, man, you're doing it wrong!" After a while, she then said, "Umm, someone took a slice of your pie, you'll still get some if you come back."

After a long while, TOCaMP then said, "Remember the fun times? Like when the platform was supposedly approaching your pie and I said, 'Enjoy.' And you were like, 'I don't wanna.' And then I was all, 'Oh fine then.' Good times…" Soon afterwards, TOCaMP spoke again, saying, "I'm staaaaalking yoooooou! This would be quite creepy if I was trying to kill you, huh?"

A few minutes later, TOCaMP sighed before speaking again. "I'm going to kill you and all the pie is gone…you didn't even care about the pie, did you? You sick twisted monster."

Soon afterwards, the egg fighter arrived in a large room to see a large TOCaMP head hanging upside down. "Well, you found me, good job. Well I have a special surprise for you since you came all this way to see me. Deploying surprise in five. Four." The yellow ball dropped from its forehead. "Hold on, that was an accident. What is that thing anyway? There's no point touching it." As TOCaMP went on, the egg fighter took out a high-tech rocket launcher and blasted TOCaMP to bits.

It then cut to a scene of SA2 smoking a pipe with a book in his hand as he sat in a chair, by a fireplace which lit up the room. SA2 closed the book and removed the pipe from his mouth. "And so, the robot destroyed TOCaMP and found no way out, so he died a slow and battery run death."

He cleared his throat before yelling, "**EEENNNDDD!**" he suddenly took out a stereo and placed it on a table. "Here's a song for the road." He then got up and left.

"This was a failure. Thought you should know, you suck, you blow. I didn't think you'd really stoop, that low. Uber kickass science…we try to help you, and your little dog too. For the thrill, the lake and the cake, though we still make mistakes. So come in, sit down, look out for the lie. It'll hit you in the face like a big pizza pie. Though I haven't a clue, don't know what I should do, I just know that I will survive…

I kinda wanna be happy. I'd rather not have a cow. Even though you blasted me to pieces. Ripped in half for the lulz. Then run over for kicks. Even though it was a little harsh, it was probably awesome for you. Now the watering of plants seems to make them grow, it's simply a case of 'The More You Know'. Can you rhyme too? Man, it sucks to be you. Though I know that I will survive…

You came to see me. Though the pie was a lie. Maybe not exactly a lie, sort of…it was pineapple flavoured. But who eats pineapple? Not me, that's sure. Anyway, this pie is good, and the apple was great. When I'm finally done they'll be like 'Egg fighter who?' I'll stalk you around like Amy or glue. I've got crazy schemes to run, man; I do this crap for fun, because I will always survive…because I will totally always survive…if there's a sequel then I will survive…and you'll know that I will survive…and I'll be killing you because I will survive…and I'll have killed you because I will survive…I'll survive…_I'll survive_…"


	3. Chapter 3

Robot Hedgehog: Chapter 3

Somewhere in downtown Station Square, Cream the Rabbit and her mother were at a local gaming shop. Vanilla stood near the tills while Cream examined the games, looking for one which wasn't too violent and affordable. Cream managed to find an old copy of Superman 64, to her surprise, and brought it to the till. Vanilla glanced at the box before saying, "Cream, are you sure this is what you want? I've heard from quite a lot of people that this game defines bad gameplay."

"I'm sure, mom, any game can be fun if you just give it a chance." She replied before placing it on the counter.

Later that evening, Cream hooked up the dusty N64 in a cardboard box located somewhere in her living room, turned on the game and sat down. "This game shouldn't be so bad."

Five minutes later…

"I really don't understand the point of these rings…" She said in confusion.

Another five minutes later…

"I wish you didn't have to start all over again even if you just miss a few of them…" She said with a sigh.

Ten minutes later…

"Yay! I beat the first actual mission!" Cream rejoiced. She then gasped before saying, "What?! More rings?!?"

Another ten minutes later…

"The controls are really clunky, making it hard to do this mission." She said with no expression whatsoever. "And I'm not asking for much, but the graphics are horrible!"

Twenty minutes later…

Cream threw the pad to the ground in frustration and yelled, "This game blows chunks!" before ejecting the game and breaking it by biting it repeatedly with her teeth.

---

In the middle of a ruined city, Sonic was fully suited up with grey armor gear, a machine gun and a rifle as he hid in an area of a decaying building, looking on as Eggman robots wondered the city, blowing up things and killing those on the opposing side. Sonic spoke into a walkie-talkie. "Hey, where are you guys, I need back-up, over."

"The over thing is stupid, lets not do that…over." Knuckles replied.

"I'm coming in with the helicopter soon enough, Sonic!" Tails yelled.

"That's great but we're trying to be a little stealthier." Sonic said. "And where's Amy?"

"I just got an achievement for five hammer kills on any challenge, yeah!" She answered.

"Could someone hurry up, these guys are closing in and I need help!"

"Calm down, I'm on my way." Knuckles said before they hear the sound of him rushing off. After some bleeping noises, they heard the sound of gun fire combined with sounds of robots being punched, and then finally a few explosions before Knuckles said, "Sorry Sonic, seems I got killed and I'm back at the safe house."

"Aww geez…"

"Hold on, Sonic! Here I come!" Tails said before they hear the sound of him rushing into the fray in the helicopter. After several moments of gunfire, Sonic and Amy heard the sound of a rocket launcher, followed by an explosion. "Umm, Sonic, I'm dead too."

"What?!? Son of a…I was counting on you too…"

"Don't worry, Sonic! I'll take them down!" Amy reassured him. "Oh wait, they just took my hammer…and now they shot me in the legs…and they're using the grenade launcher, and yeah, I'm dead."

"Already? Man, you guys suck!"

Knuckles coughed before saying, "Well, I know Tails sucks, but-"

"Knuckles! You promised you wouldn't say anything!"

Just then, the Eggman robots blew up a wall and entered the corridor where Sonic was hiding. "Aww screw it!" he said before getting to his feet and running at them, firing wildly with a cry of, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" he found himself at the safe house moments later.

---

At the top of a hill in downtown Station Square, Vector met up with SA2 who stood by a yellow taxi. As Vector arrived, he hopped in while SA2 said, "Hey hey hey! It's time to make some craaaazy money! Are ya ready? Here we go!" Vector started the engine and drove off, stopping a bit ahead to pick up a girl who pointed ahead and said, "Onward to Tails' workshop!" Vector started up the engine again before replying, "Alright, hold on, lady!" Vector drove down the hill at full speed moments later, slamming several cars out the way with ease as he picked up speed.

After several moments he drifted round a corner and went left before travelling down the middle of the street to avoid slowing down from the dozens of cars travelling in the opposite direction. He went over a few bumps on the way down and then turned right as he bashed a car out the way and took a shortcut through a park. He drove through several benches, a pond, and in the path of many people who jumped out the way. Moments later he drove right through several steel gates and out of the park then round a curved road as he passed the beach.

Moments later he drove into an alleyway to save time, hitting several trash cans, avoiding dumpsters, and hitting a few civilians who happened to get up and dust themselves off after they got back up. Vector's taxi came flying out of a case of pillows at the end of the alleyway with a train tunnel just further to the right. He drove along at full speed and dodged a train going by him to the right, then moved again as one came from the left. He then drove on two wheels, flipped, and drove along the train moments before exiting the tunnel as the tracks suddenly combined into one path.

He immediately turned left and flew off the track, landing by the stairs leading up to Tails' workshop where the girl hopped out of the taxi. "Wow, you're a great driver!" she said before paying him 599 rings. "The money is what it's all about." He said before taking it and driving down the stairs.

---

"This isn't funny at all."

Cried the voice of a certain blue hedgehog who wasn't satisfied with the program he was currently watching, in his luxury two story condo. Just then, Tails rushed into the room. "Hey Sonic, there's this movie on about a bus with a bomb on board and if it drops below 50 mph an hour then the bus explodes."

"Oh yeah, I know that movie, since it's my gimmick. I personally think they should have called it "Bomb on a Bus." It just has a better feel to it."

---

A blue ninja by the name of SA, and SA2, were sat by a computer in an empty apartment building, looking at the screen where SA2 had just created a new fan character. "So anyway, his name is awesome the awesome, and he has powers from the four elements, and psychic powers added for the lulz. So he's like cool, and really cool and totally beats everyone else."

SA shook his head. "No."

"Why?"

"It's not a hedgehog." He said with no hesitation whatsoever.

"Why a hedgehog?"

"Because it has to be a hedgehog. All the time. Because. No questions asked. _Or else_."

---

Shadow and Omega sat in a dodge viper, on their way through the city which had recently become a barren wasteland.

"Seems we'll have to take things into our own hands, Omega." Shadow said.

"I am ready for anything that comes ahead."

"I'm glad to hear that, because soon we'll be approaching, **The Company…of the Soccermoms 2!**" Shadow said before firing a gun through the roof. They were stopped by Omochao seconds later who said, "I have taken care of the commander, you're next!" as he flew up, soccermoms began attacking, who Shadow and Omega blasted as they entered a church and met the Commander who was hurt from a gun wound.

"Shadow, this **** is serious, these guys are furious with your game." He said before offering him some ammo and keys. After several minutes of blasting people, Shadow and Omega arrived by two burning cars where Omochao came to greet them. "Hehehe! We'll set an example starting with your game! Suffer like Killzone did?"

The chao walker suddenly appeared as he punched the cars out the way. Then was quickly taken down within a minute before Shadow and Omega rushed off to the next area. After killing a fisherman with a spear and a tentacled monster with a middle aged black haired woman's face on it, they got in a car and made their way to the company.

Suddenly, a butcher with a giant chainsaw chased them yelling, "GRRRR, violent games make me **RAAAAGGGEEEE!**" Omega turned corners as Shadow unloaded tons of bullets into the butcher until he finally dropped dead. After more shooting, they crossed a bridge at which point Omochao and the chao walker had been repaired, but were still beaten quite easily.

As the two arrived in front of the massive international company, there was an explosion on the top floor, and ahead of them stood a man with two spiked grey bangs of hair, in a metal suit of armor. "I've been waiting for this day to come. Your game has no future. Either I stop it, or the moral guardians do, either way, your video game will cease to exist."

Suddenly awesome music began playing, which helped in the battle against The Douche. After a long battle, they finally beat him and entered the building as The Douche exploded. After several minutes of kicking ass and taking names, they came to the top of the company and arrived in an office where the boss resided. The boss was a middle aged man who once again had grey hair and wore a suit, and was apparently a lawyer. "I've been waiting for you, friends." He said as they arrived.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Shadow asked.

"I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, can't you see? Your game is bad for children, and is disturbing the balance of innocence. I have made a creature to rule over video games!" He stood up. "This is the final battle! Show yourself, our new ruler! The Cure!" The room moved up to the roof where a little girl who had the colours of the rainbow and sparkled broke out of a containment chamber. "I am…I am…I am, the one who makes the ratings, I shall kidify games, and frown upon violence! I am The Cure!"

As epic music began playing, Shadow and Omega stood their ground and waited for her to attack. Several minutes later, they had blasted her to bits, then shot the boss shortly afterwards. Shadow then put away his gun and said, "It's done, now let's put that game on the market." As Omega nodded, before they walked off.


	4. Chapter 4

After several weeks of no updates, I finally get off my lazy ass and do it. Was it worth the wait? No, it wasn't.

* * *

Robot Hedgehog: Chapter 4

Early one morning, in the middle of a field, Sonic was lying down against a tree. Knuckles appeared just over the horizon, wearing a dark blue jacket and dark blue pants with a white shirt and a golden replica of a chaos emerald dangling from his neck like a necklace, because it actually was one. As Knuckles approached Sonic, he came to a halt and pointed towards him. "I challenge you to a duel!"

Sonic opened her eyes and dully glanced over at Knuckles who appeared to be deadly serious. "I'm busy, come back later."

"I will not take no for an answer!" Knuckles whipped out a table and took out his cards. "Shuffle your deck, Sonic!"

"Knuckles, could you p-"

"**Shuffle your frickin' deck!**" He yelled, slamming his fist on the table.

Sonic slowly got to his feet. "Fine, don't get a heart-attack…" He walked over and sat down then pulled out his deck of cards. "I'll place "My Ass" in Defence mode."

"I play "Awesomesauce" in attack mode and place this second card face down." He said as he drew two cards and did so.

"I'm not attacking, Knuckles." Sonic said bluntly.

"Attack, damn you!" Knuckles shook his fist at him.

Sonic sighed. "Fine. My Ass, attack Awesomesauce directly."

"Not so fast!" Knuckles held his hand out. "You activated my trap card!" he said before flipping it over, revealing an Eggman symbol on the front. "This means you miss several go's and I get your best cards."

"See? This is why I don't play this, it's cheap, and you use trap cards too often. That means that you always win."

Knuckles shook his head. "No Sonic, I win because I'm voiced by Dan Green."

"Same thing really."

---

Sonic was currently wearing red and blue overalls with a blue cap with an 'S' on it as he ran through clear meadows, jumping on Eggman robots and humming an unknown theme. As Sonic inspected a mushroom which looked like it had gone off, Tails approached him from further away, wearing yellow and orange overalls and a yellow cap with a 'T' on it. "Sonico! I receive a letter, and it's-a from the princess. Here-a you go!" he said as he handed it to him.

Sonic read the letter which suggested there was a cake waiting for him in a castle nearby, surrounded by fire, brimstone and convenient lightning. Sonic looked up and promptly exclaimed, "Let's-a go!" before taking off along the trail with Tails following close behind. As they approached a gate, Eggman poked his head out from the top and did a menacing, echoed laugh before leaving which distracted Sonic and Tails for a moment.

Sonic and Tails reached the castle a little later and entered. After a long while of running under spiky squared blocks, jumping over lava pits, and climbing steel wires randomly placed in mid-air, they finally reached a bridge suspended over a pit of fire, and with Eggman controlling a robotic generic dragon.

Sonic looked around for his cake. "Hey! There's no cake here! It was a lie, wasn't it?" Sonic dropped to his knees and yelled, "I knew it all along!"

While Sonic wallowed in despair, Eggman began to rapidly shoot fireballs, but Tails instead flew over the dragon and stepped on a switch, sending the dragon plummeting into the lava below. Sonic noticed shortly afterwards and jumped over to Tails. They moved on ahead and found Amy who was dressed as the lady of the lake from Sonic and the Black Knight…but wait, that's not Amy! O snap! It's Omochao!

"Sorry Sonic, but your princess is in another castle." Omochao said.

Sonic dropped to his knees once more. "I knew it! I knew it all along! Damn you all to hell!"

---

In a random location in Station Square, Knuckles and Shadow were wearing black shades as they beat up a group of robots. As they had finished disposing of them, the G.U.N Commander approached them with big news. "Robot ninjas have kidnapped the president! Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?"

"We are, Commander." Shadow replied while Knuckles nodded in agreement.

"Then go kick some ass, dudes." He saluted them moments before they took off.

And so, Shadow and Knuckles spent the next few hours being the baddest dudes around, by beating up robot ninjas on a moving train, beating up robot ninjas in a forest, and of course, beating up robot ninjas on giant dinosaurs. They soon beat up robot ninjas in the middle of a street and hopped in a formula one car. Knuckles drove off after some robot ninja's ahead as they passed by two chao wearing dark shades.

"Those two are pretty bad dudes." One chao said.

"Like totally, bro." the second replied.

Shadow and Knuckles soon arrived at the helicopter where the head robot ninja was planning to take off, but was quickly defeated. The president stepped out of the helicopter and shook their hands. "Hey dudes, thanks for rescuing me, let's go for a burger." Shadow and Knuckles looked at each other and shrugged, while the president walked off as he said, "Let's bounce, homies." Just as the credits began rolling.

---

In an area somewhere at Mystic Ruins, Cream found herself stuck in a tree 30 feet tall and was afraid to climb down when she could have easily flown down. A group of a dozen people were watching, worried for her safety. Suddenly, Rouge the Bat swooped in and grabbed Cream, and then slowly descended and landed safely on the grass below while the civilians applauded.

As she placed Cream safely on the ground, she turned to the screen. "Remember kids, climbing trees is Serious Business, so be sure of how tall it is, because gravity is a douche. You heard it, you can't unhear it."

"And now I know!" Cream exclaimed.

Rouge nodded. "And knowing is half the battle!"

Charmy barged through the crowd as he yelled, "R.T. BBBBBBBB!" After he was done, the area was silent for a few moments before someone chucked a can at his head.

---

On some random city streets, Omega wore a black leather jacket and black shades as he chased down a typical thug. The thug ran across a busy road, luckily evading the cars which drove by at extreme speeds. Omega instead punched them out the way as he gave chase. Somewhere around the corner, the thug punched out a window and then dived into a red convertible, started up the engine and took off as Omega came round the corner.

Omega reached in through the window of a black car which came around the corner and pulled out the driver. "I need this." Omega said before getting in and chasing the thug once again. The chase was totally extreme with close camera shots, barrel rolls and refilling their cars at petrol stations. The car chase continued for a while through rush hour traffic where Omega drove down the middle of two rows of cars, scratching the sides and smashing their rear view mirrors.

As he smashed one black man's mirror, the civilian yelled, "Nah, son, that's cold! I'll hunt you down, you crazy ass fool!"

Omega quickly backed up and blasted the car to bits before saying, "Astylar vista, homie."

A little later, the thug ran down a small alleyway which Omega stopped by, poked his head out the window and said, "I'll be back." The thug made his way through several more alleyway's before reaching a small house on an empty road. As he walked in the door, Omega stood a few feet ahead of him and immediately blasted him to bits. "Told you I'd be back."

---

In the middle of nowhere, Espio took out a CD player and put on the Jackass theme. It then began showing various scenes such as Tails being hit by a car, Vector shoulder barging Espio in a bar, Tails obliterating Cream with a laser cannon, Amy whacking Soic through a wall with her hammer, Knuckles punching Sonic through a brick wall as he yelled, "Punch!", Shadow hitting Sonic with a deflected chaos spear, Charmy swinging from a rope and slamming right into a tree, and finally Omochao driving a jeep off a canyon and into dozens of oil canisters below in slow motion.

---

In a secluded area, in a dark room, Knuckles was watching a video of something which displayed slow scrolling words. He watched intensively for at least two minutes, then as the video finished, he cracked his knuckles and growled. "Grrr, these streets, they make me rage!"

So Knuckles marched down there, where suddenly he received three lives, a health bar and a time limit. He made his way through the streets, punching up the haters for stealing the Master Emerald, as usual, and to relieve stress. After a while he came to one robot at the end of the road who was six feet tall, and used a large boomerang. In the middle of the somewhat difficult fight, Rouge dropped in and kicked the robot in the back, distracting it long enough for Knuckles to put his fist through its skull.

Knuckles looked up to see Rouge's lives and health bar, then turned his attention to her. "Just don't get in my way, since it's possible for us to hit each other."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

And so they set off, raging for the good side, and taking down random guys in command. They eventually reached the top of Dr. X's main headquarters, which mysteriously had Eggman robots surrounding the area. After getting owned repeatedly by Dr. X's bodyguard, Uber Metal Sonic, they finally beat him and got to face the man himself. But instead, they immediately knocked him out the window, and then fought to the death. The winner was unknown. The end.

---

SA2 uploaded a program where in order to play you had to type in commands. SA sat by and watched as he began playing the game. SA2 thought for a few moments, and then typed in, "RUNRUNRUN, JUMP, TURN LEFT, SPEED PAD, LOOP, RUNRUNRUN." SA2 thought for a few more moments and then typed in, "CLIMBING A ROCKY TOWER CONTAINING FIRE HAZARDS, SPIKES, ROTATING PLATFORMS AND MORE PLATFOR-."

SA stopped him from typing another word. "No, SA2, what on earth are you doing?"

"I'm doing what sounds good."

"But it doesn't bring in the money, so it's unnecessary and useless."

"Bu-"

SA held up a hand to silence him. "It doesn't bring in the money, end of discussion."


End file.
